| ...new look new sorrow | -x- |
|
new look no corn |
| billy on 03.06.07 @ 08:49 PM EST [link] [track 180] |
| ...Under Construction | music: Family Guy -x- mood: Obsessed |
| This site is under major construction |
| [...continued] -x- billy on 03.04.07 @ 10:45 PM EST [link] [track 173] |
| ......pumpkin | -x- |
|
A new and updated journal is underway. This one will ne more advanced and will contain the following new features: -password protected posts -tags/catagories for easy organization and locating. This feature will be wonderful for people who only want to see my poetry entries -option to search for an entry -and a lot more |
| [...continued] -x- billy on 03.03.07 @ 03:03 AM EST [link] [track 566] |
| ... | -x- |
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oh, baby blue, baby blue you're so sweet to me feed me these things they fall out of your mouth and out of my eyes if anything, i just want death you're so in love with the sky i can't even grasp your name i seem to be having a problem with you when we fly away we scream i am absent i don't recall your face sitting on a mattress left alone in a cell i don't think my light even works anymore i want to feel warm i want fingers running up and down my back i want lips pressed against mine i can shoot red out of my skin like i have been doing it for years i can make wonderful art out of my sorrow i can grow big i can grow bright but will anyone even notice? giving up has finally become a valid option i am increasing the rate of my sarcastic remarks oh baby blue, oh baby no one even listens no one is even here we are all just dishes wonderful, delightful dishes |
| billy on 02.18.07 @ 09:28 PM EST [link] [track 1172] |
| ......another adri dream | -x- |
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well i had another dream about you-know-who and i must say, this one was the best. i can still picture her gentle lips pressing up against mine. i would give anything to actually feel it. i would explain more, but i get to teary eyed. i watched a movie last night with lite brite and the girl in it reminded me SOOO much of adri. She looked and acted just like her... i am guessing this is what sparked my dream. |
| [...continued] -x- billy on 02.18.07 @ 09:22 AM EST [link] [track 2541] |
| ... | -x- |
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sorry for the lack of updates. i have not been doing so well lately. i do plan on updating this like an angry beaver soon. i want to learn PHP and PERL so i can password block certain entries, thus freeing me from using LJ. i have so much to say, but lack the motivation, however, i wrote a poem. |
| [...continued] -x- billy on 02.11.07 @ 12:22 AM EST [link] [track 313] |
| ......i hate you | music: no[ah]toriuos -x- mood: tears |
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i was like 4 hours late to work the other day so i got yelled at by nick. as i was being yelled at, i could not help but think to myself "why?". Why was i being yelled at as though something would change. As though if i were yelled at enough, i could go back in time and change things. this of course got me into deep thinking... and i have been overly depressed since. i just started thinking about life and human nature. it is funny to watch people get bent out of shape by things. i mean, he just went on and on.... i was just like "nick, i get the point, it is over... let us move on". i wish everything could just be that way. it is sooo hard to explain. life is seriously the most pointless thing. we live to die. i mean... i am living so that i can work so that i can survive. i live to work to afford shelter so i can live a bit longer. my thoughts on life always changed. i thought that maybe a good point to life is to just live as happily and comfortably as possible... but it is becoming impossible. or maybe i am just lazy. before i know it, i am going to die and... that will be it. all this for nothing. that 10 minutes where nick yelled at me for being late.... pointless. it means nothing. i got told for the second time this month that i act like i dont care. i honestly have lost hope in so many things. people, life, being happily in love, having a dependable car and shelter, friends, dreams... i am not suicidal. i just dont care if i die or not really. if a guy came up to me with a gun and threatened to shoot me... i would not care. really. i just dont see the big point in living and i dont see why suicide is so "wrong" in today's society. if someone does not want to live, then they shouldnt have to. life doesn't suck. i just don't see the big deal i guess. it truly is pointless. i dont even get to live my own life either. i have to live the american life. i dont want to work at all. i dont want to spend my whole life working but i have to unless i want to live cold and miserable. i also dont like living in fear of dying because i might hurt someone. if it were not for people claiming they care, i would off myself right now... i think. going through life not caring is so much better. it is effortless. i am going to be sitting on my death bed one day... so relaxed. "remember that time, dave, when you were putting all that energy into getting that shitty job just so you could make a lot of money and save up for rims on your car?" "yeah" "hahaha, arent you glad you went through all that?" "no, what a waste..." |
| billy on 01.15.07 @ 03:00 PM EST [link] [track 351] |
| ... | -x- |
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so anyway more drama ensued. i got angry messages on aim about the phone number being in my aim profile. figures the user, BoOxBear xO, has a shitty hatchet man icon. haha |
| billy on 01.05.07 @ 10:03 PM EST [link] [track 62] |
| ... | -x- |
| make sure you guys call Jenay and wish her a happy birthday! 1 508 441 1675 |
| billy on 01.05.07 @ 09:22 PM EST [link] [track 189] |